I'm drunk. If any of you (3) people who actually read this shit have a complaint about the quality of content in this particular post, I politely ask you to find Johnny Walker's number in the white pages and give him a call. Or, if you prefer modernity's answer to simplified communication, perhaps try electronic mail. Or, if you really think you're hot shit, go post on Johnny's fucking Myspace. That's right - Myspace! The greatest communication medium of the 21st century. That is, if you're an emotionally distraught preteen suffering from severe mental psychosis. I've never seen such an abomination to the internet: Yet another shameless device designed to allow below average performing youngsters to have an outlet for their tormented, sorrowful existence, not to mention the existential crisis stemming from their inability to reconcile their lingering baby fat with a reasonable camera angle.
But the emo army is not my main complaint about Myspace on this drunken occasion, but simply their entirely irrational design team (Tom?). All I wanted was a minuscule sliver of their server space to host a music project I was working on, but no. No average user can upload their music, only those that label themselves as a "musician" in their sign-up process. As if every long-haired asshole with a Lyon guitar could really be called a "musician." However, the average user is still capable of uploading personal videos, which, the last time I checked, contains both audio and visual components that quite likely take up more bytes in the endless abyss of Myspace stored data. Well doesn't that make sense.
It would seem that there should be a way to change one's account to a musician after creating it, but that is also false. The method that is supposed to serve that function supplies the user (me) with a 'OOPS WE FUCKED UP!' sort of error screen. Perhaps their server is overloaded from the excessive intake of Jack Johnson and Jason Mraz covers being uploaded every ten minutes. Or perhaps one of the engineers just spilled his beer all over the main server control. The world may never know.
And lastly, if all of that weren't enough, if you'd like to delete your account and recreate it as a so-called musician, you have to actually click the 'Cancel My Account' button no less than 400 times. "Are you sure? What is your reason for quitting Myspace? Not functioning to your liking? Talk to one of the gorillas in charge of web design. Are you sure you want to quit Myspace? Too much bullshit? Well consider psychotherapy. Are you sure you want to quit Myspace? No reason? We can arrange for you to talk to someone who can come up with a reason. Are you sure you want to quit Myspace?" ... etc etc, ad nauseum, until you're finally about to shoot yourself and then they finally send one more to your e-mail, which is likely to be bombarded with frivolous sexual advances from so-called 'Sexygrl114' (Located near San Francisco, CA, or wherever the hell your wireless connection originates) every few hours for the next few years. God that woman is persistent.
In short, I hate Myspace. But I also wrote a song today, that I tried to upload to Myspace, but couldn't. So, courtesy of Sethamphetamine (also the writer of lyrics and main vocalist on the track), here is the completed work:
Avenged Sevenfold Covers, or something you won't find in great demand on myspace.
- SL
That singer is a piece of shit!
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